The Toe Poke Daily is here every day to bring you all the weirdest stories, quirkiest viral content and top trolling that the internet has to offer, all in one place.
You've heard of flat-track bullies, of course. Players who seem to "rise to the occasion" when said occasion is essentially meaningless. Well new Inter Milan arrival Romelu Lukaku has taken that to the next level with a four-goal outing in an 8-0 win against Serie D side Virtus Bergamo Ciserano.
Lukaku's summerlong quest to ditch his former team Manchester United finally became a reality on deadline day in England and the €80m Belgian got to take part in a club friendly for Inter on Sunday.
The pace? Lacking (and not just from Lukaku). The effort from the opposition, similarly lacking, although the goalkeeper didn't seem too happy about shipping eight goals. But hey, it's preseason and these are goals, albeit four meaningless ones after Inter already had a sizeable lead.
Something tells us they might not come so easy when Lukaku kicks off his Inter career in earnest when the Serie A season begins against Lecce on Aug. 26, though.
And he's still only 14 years old...
Youssoufa Moukoko is 14. Youssoufa Moukoko is playing for Borussia Dortmund's under-19 team. Youssoufa Moukoko is DOMINATING orussia Dortmund's under-19 team.
Moukoko made his debut for the U17s at the tender age of 12 in 2017 and has been attracting the interest of Europe's elite ever since -- scoring 46 goals in 25 games last season.
Now there's even more to be excited about as this weekend he netted a double hat trick in the U19 Bundesliga meeting with Wuppertal FC.
14-year-old Youssoufa Moukoko's debut for BVB U19s:— FootballTalentScout (@FTalentScout) August 11, 2019
3' goal ⚽️
23' goal ⚽️
27' goal ⚽️
40' goal ⚽️
58' goal ⚽️
90' goal ⚽️
Moukoko popped home SIX goals in a 9-2 win that also included a 28-minute hat trick.
This boy is going to be good...
Roma win a tree-phy
Roma have a brand new addition to their trophy cabinet and, unlike most others, this particular piece of "silverware" is live and has to be watered daily.
After things ended level in normal time, the Giallorossi beat Real Madrid on penalties at the Stadio Olimpico on Sunday night to win the Mabel Green Cup.
As can be seen, the actual cup being contested was certainly worthy of note, as Roma will now have to find room on their mantelpiece for a rather large bonsai tree.
Metalwork is so passe. Tree-phies are definitely the way forward. Here's hoping we see many more in the future.
Arsenal release third kit
With their new home and away kits proving to be instant hits with their fans, Arsenal have now released their 2019-20 third shirt to complete the set.
The jersey is predominantly navy blue with yellow and black trim, with Alexandre Lacazette, Ainsley Maitland-Niles, Hector Bellerin and Matteo Guendouzi all doing the modelling honours.
Introducing our brand-new third kit 🤩— Arsenal (@Arsenal) August 12, 2019
Exclusively available from @adidasfootball and Arsenal until August 18 🛍
Arsenal have reinforced their strong claim to be the best-dressed team in the Premier League this season. Whether that ends up translating to any actual success on the pitch remains to be seen.
EFL apologise over fan's text trouble
The EFL have apologised to a Hull City fan who claimed he was threatened with being ejected from the stadium for sending text messages during a recent game.
Daniel Mawer shared a series of Tweets after the match, in which he described being approached by an "undercover security guard" during Saturday's fixture against Reading.
The guard, who was accompanied by a Tigers steward, told him he'd be thrown out of the KCOM Stadium if he continued to use his mobile phone, much to Mawer's disbelief.
Today, at half time I was told by an 'under cover security guard' that if I continued to text about the football match at the KCOM stadium I'd be ejected from the ground.— Daniel Mawer (@skintnortherner) August 10, 2019
A confused thread...#hcafc #readingfc
It emerged that Mawer, 28, was approached as part of a new Comsec spot-check scheme designed to monitor unauthorised data gathering at EFL matches.
The practise is also known as "courtsiding" -- sending information to gamblers directly from sporting events allowing them to place bets before the odds can change.
"The Comsec scout spotting programme is managed by Football Data Co in collaboration with the league and its clubs," said an EFL spokesman. "Access is provided at matches for Comsec representatives to operate and identify potential infringements.
"On initial review of this particular incident all procedures and protocols were followed, but clearly there is still some work to be done to ensure these checks are conducted appropriately and sensitively. It's never the intention to offend and for that Football Data Co and the League offer its apologies to the supporter affected by this random spot check."